If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
