and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
