God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
