So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
