Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
