A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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