Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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