So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You smell like stripper and shame
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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