ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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