Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
