loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
