i just google imaged poop.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
