the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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