hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
