apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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