Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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