i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
