OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
