i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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