So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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