Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
