i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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