I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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