I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
