very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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