dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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