you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
