so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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