She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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