billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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