If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
