ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
