Do you still have your period?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
