she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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