somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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