Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
