Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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