Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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