Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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