There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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