just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You left your phone here
Wait...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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