This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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