careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
