She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
