My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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