Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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