i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
