i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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