omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
