the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
