I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
