How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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