Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
