i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
