if you like me you must not know who I am
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
