I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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