He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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