i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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